Almost certainly, Pete Ricketts is going to be the next governor of the state of Nebraska.
Hold on, brb…
Okay, just had to gargle a bit of mouthwash to get the barf taste out of my mouth after typing that. I’m better now. Anyway, before we get to the point where we swear in Governor Ricketts… brb again…
I just brought the bottle of Scope in here with me to save time. Okay, so Ricketts is predicted by everyone everywhere to win because of the letter “R.” Not the one at the front of his last name, but the one in parentheses that follows it. Since 1861, when people clapped hard enough for the territory of Nebraska to become a star on the American flag, this crimson state has had 39 governors. Honestly, seems like it should be more than that, but that’s beside the point. Only 12 of those governors were Democrats. So, it matters very little that Ricketts should not be liked by any Nebraskan, even conservatives, because he’s with the party that wins 70% of the time.
I am aware that this post is not going to likely be read by nor change the minds of most (or any) Nebraskans planning to cast their vote for Petey. I mean, even if I provided incontrovertible evidence of pure villainy, people probably wouldn’t switch their votes. Like, not even if I CONCLUSIVELY SHOWED THAT HE ONCE USED MIND CONTROL POWERS TO CAPTURE THE GREEN LANTERN AND SUBSEQUENTLY THE ENTIRE JUSTICE LEAGUE (this is a thing). But hey, it’s worth a shot.
Reasons Nebraskans should NOT vote for Pete Ricketts
1.) He literally has no idea what he’s doing – How many people out there actually know what Pete does “for a living?” I put that last part in quotation marks because his family is gob-stoppingly, grossly rich. Seriously, they’re “Scrooge McDuck swimming in gold coins” rich. So what Pete does for a living is serve as the president and director of the Platte Institute for Economic Research. It’s a “free market think tank” designed basically to ensure that his great-great-great-grandkids also get to Scrooge McDuck it. On issues of health care, education, and social well-being, the “institute” is one of the wave of “think tanks” that basically make up stuff that helps political candidates. Yes, democrats have these too. I’m not a fan of those either for the most part. The other thing that Ricketts has done in his life is work for his dad at Ameritrade. Those are the things that Pete Ricketts has done. He has worked for his father and led a group designed to invent stuff for GOP candidates to use in elections. Clearly, governor material, am I right? He has held exactly zero public offices. He has won exactly zero previous general elections. He has never run a business of his own. He has never been responsible for anything that would even modestly suggest that he is qualified to lead a state. Notice, this isn’t digging into politics. This isn’t some “liberal bias.” These are just facts: At no point has this man done anything that would qualify him to hold the highest office in our state.
2.) He is nothing like you, whoever you are – You remember how your dad took you to that baseball game? He told you stories of how his father and his father’s father did the same thing, as you sat in the nosebleed section while your dad bought you a program from the game so you’d never forget it? Pete’s dad bought the Chicago Cubs. Not tickets. The team. He bought the team. Now, I’m not the world’s biggest believer of the “you have to be like a candidate to support a candidate.” I know lots of people nothing like me who I am thrilled are in office. But when it comes down to representing the people of a state, how exactly would Pete even know what our lives are like? Since birth, dude had whatever he wanted. In a state where the vast majority of the economy (23 billion) is derived from agriculture, Pete’s family made their money in a decidedly non-agrarian way. Among the biggest issues that our governor will face are things like farm taxes and expenditures, reactions to natural phenomena that impact crops, and farmer assistance. And we want a guy who has never had any association with that way of living to guide us? He goes on television with ads that proclaim his “Nebraska values.” In what way does the son of a multi-billionaire who never had to work for anything in his whole life embody “Nebraska values?” It’s a false bill of goods sold by a party that knows what buttons to push in a state predisposed to vote a certain way. Pete Ricketts cares about wealth, not you. Now, I understand that the Republican party has done a bang-up job convincing average Americans that they DO have things in common with millionaires and billionaires. Why, one day YOU TOO will be one of them! Except, they tell you that you can achieve that dream while actively working to ensure you never will, limiting educational opportunities and government assistance that may actually make social mobility possible. That’s Pete. He’s going to tell you that he wants you to succeed and then set an agenda to prevent that. People who have money do not want other people to have their money or to have money that they themselves may have. For the life of me, I cannot understand how smart, average Americans refuse to think that businessmen who are wealthy want to stay that way at all costs.
3.) He’s wrong…a lot – Here comes the explicitly liberal part. Hey, I saved it for third, okay! He doesn’t care about the environment. Part of what the Platte Institute does is work to dispute policies designed to prevent climate change. In a state where, again, 23 BILLION dollars rides on the weather, Nebraska has a CONSERVATIVE reason to give a shit about the earth. Droughts, floods, violent storms, all things made worse by man-made climate change directly takes money from the pockets of farmers. Shouldn’t our governor be working to, I don’t know, STOP THAT?! Socially, the dude is openly anti-gay. That’s not surprising. But what makes that ugly is this: His sister is a lesbian. I can’t pretend to know the degree of Pete’s anti-LGBTQ stance. It could be for show just to fit in with the party, I don’t know. What I do know is that Nebraska “values” don’t include telling your own sister she’s worth less than other people. Again, without even making a moral appeal, without telling you all the reasons why being respectful to fellow human beings no matter what is important, let’s just leave this here: Pete Ricketts tells people his sister doesn’t deserve to be protected because of how she was born. His association with the Tea Party also has to give even conservatives pause. The group is falling out of favor. The guy who spearheaded the government shutdown that hurt so many people, Ted Cruz, is an active supporter of Pete. So is Sarah Palin. Why would Nebraska want to associate itself with a faction so divisive the party it is associated with is working to distance itself from it?
With all this, why? Why would anyone in this state vote for Pete? Especially when there’s someone else…
Why you SHOULD vote for Chuck Hassebrook
That’s Chuck Hassebrook up there. You should want to vote for him, even if you’re not a democrat. See, he’s the anti-Pete Ricketts in all the best ways. You know how Pete doesn’t have a lick of experience dealing with the agricultural issues? Chuck Hassebrook has worked with the Center for Rural Affairs for 36 years. He has directly worked on farming tax laws, helping to ease the burden on family farms. He has helped provide assistance to 10,000 small businesses, mostly in sparse rural communities (the kind that make up the majority of our state). He lives in Lyons. Google it. Pete’s family bought the Chicago Cubs and take private jets where they want to go, Chuck’s family lives on a farm. You want to talk education? He served for 18 years as a Regent in the University of Nebraska system. And while there, his focus was on getting poor kids from rural areas into college and creating an institute designed to revitalize small towns. Nebraska values?! This guy is like the epitome of what this state is and should be about.
Again, Pete’s two jobs were working for daddy and running a propaganda center. Chuck served on the board of the USDA North Central Region Rural Development Center. That experience, working with the Department of Agriculture, yeah that’s gonna come in handy as governor of an ag state. Socially, he was on the board of Bread for the World, a Christian ecumenical anti-hunger organization. You read that correctly. Chuck isn’t running around trying to insure future wealth; he’s trying to use our state’s food supply to do the actual Christian thing and help feed the needy.
The problem, of course, is the narrative. Chuck will be called an “Obama liberal,” whatever that is. Pete has already refused to limit negative ads like Chuck proposed. The conservative groups will try to rile people up about Obamacare. When they do, ask yourself this: It’s been FOREVER since that bill passed…have I PERSONALLY suffered like they said I would? Has the country suffered (we are at the lowest unemployment and the biggest economy in a decade)? Has literally anything they said would happen actually happened? The only thing that is hurting Nebraskans with Obamacare was our governor’s decision to not get money that would help us. It will be the same song and dance over and over again, wherein the vast majority of the state is sold a false bill of goods, promising a candidate whose “conservative values” make him “one of you.” He isn’t.
Chuck has all the qualifications, all the life experience, and (by all accounts) the temperament to lead this state. Pete has zero qualifications, is nothing like you, and will do a piss-poor job. And he’s almost certainly going to win anyway.