Sasse Mouth

I direct a lot of local ire at Omaha’s Mayor and gag-order-enthusiast Jean Stothert, as well as Nebraska Governor and death-penalty-obsessed-owner-of-a-raging-murder-boner Pete Ricketts. I want to make sure you know I have plenty of room left to violently loathe Senator Ben Sasse.

Sasse is one of those politicians drunk on self-righteousness. He’s also convinced himself that he’s quite clever, which had to take some doing. But beyond anything else, he’s a colossal human taint who is palpably arrogant. I despise the term “resting bitch face” for various reasons, but Sasse has a “resting smarm face.” I’m not kidding, you can’t find one picture where he doesn’t look like he’s saying “Sick burn, Ben. You really nailed it this time! You’re the best, Ben!” in his mind.

Last week, Sasse released this video. I apologize in advance.

I would like us all to make fun of this video for several reasons. Please join me!

1.) Ben Sasse: Mansplainer! 

How enormously arrogant do you have to be to talk down to the President of the United States at this level? This isn’t a video addressing the public. This is a video addressed to President Obama. And the first thing this smug-faced, pseudointellectual, hairless baboon does is lay out (incorrectly) the constitutional responsibilities of the president and congress. Barack Obama’s background is in constitutional law. But, by all means, talk to him like his full understanding of how the government works is an episode of Schoolhouse Rocks.

2.) “When I read MY constitution”

I’m sure he meant his copy. But I do not excuse the possibility that Ben “You’re thinking of Ross from Friends” Sasse has his own constitution separate from the actual one.

3.) “Teach the constitution”

This is one of the “core jobs” that Sasse says he shares with the president.  I am 100% confident that the presidential oath of office and the oath of office for the senate contain exactly zero references to “teaching the constitution.” I mean, that’s not stopping Sasse from literally trying to teach us “his” constitution. He just doesn’t have to and should stop.

4.) “Executive unilateralism?” I don’t think that means what you think it means…

Sasse says, with maybe the most condescending tone of the whole video, that the president should “take his potential nominee into the Rose Garden” and have that person essentially call Barack Obama a dictator to his face. Sasse’s completely unsupportable point is that President Obama has recklessly wielded executive orders. It’s just the silliest, craziest, dumbest, unprovable thing ever. Now, mind you, I could come at this from the angle that says Tea Party obstructionists like Sasse are grinding the wheels of democracy and lawmaking to a halt by behaving like narcissistic ideologues, thus necessitating executive orders in order for ANYTHING to get done. But I prefer the easier approach: Pointing out this whole “Executive Unilateralism” thing is a lie Sasse has been peddling for awhile now.

Barack Obama wouldn’t rank in the top 10 presidents by use of executive order. Ronald Reagan, the current conservative nostalgia poster President, issued 150+ more executive orders than Obama has. When Sasse makes this his primary talking point in the video, he may as well be saying “President Obama must make sure his Supreme Court Nominee will slay the vampire that is our current president before he changes into his bat form and flies around the country drinking the blood of the innocent.” Because that statement is equally based in logic and fact as Obama’s “executive unilateralism.”

5.) “Our founders understood, government doesn’t give us rights. God gives us rights by nature.”

Actually, our founders understood God gave those rights only to white men and when they weren’t shitting the glory of freedom out of every orifice they were buying and selling other human beings as slaves. You’re only allowed to unconditionally love our founding fathers as they currently appear in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton.

6.) “Power corrupts”

Says the U.S. senator shot in the video from the Leni Riefenstahl angle as he talks down to the man elected to our highest office. I always love these attacks from people currently in government. If you think that holding office is bad, why are you holding office?

I could go on but let’s end with something more awful.

Sasse

It wasn’t enough that he share the link of someone praising his video. He had to make sure you saw that he’s compared to Braveheart. I will say, the feelings I have when confronted by Mel Gibson do mirror those of when I see Sasse.

Stay classy, Sasse.

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